A State of Affairs | my great-grandparents watching over
It’s been 3 months now since I’ve been home, and I’ve started wondering about some things. Even though I’m full on taking care of the distribution of my ODO YAKUZA TOKYO book and images and having great fun doing it and meeting the press and other super interesting people (more on that one soon), I’m starting to feel the need to slowly get into new projects. Broaden my horizon. Deepen my photography. Read more. Learn more. My great-grandparents, even though I never knew them, are right now in my studio looking at me and telling me I’ll be fine, but that I’ve thought things through long enough now. Time to get to work.
Beirut is playing The Rip Tide.
It’s a funny state of mind I’m in… I recognize it so clearly from three years ago, when a little voice in the back of my head made me decide to go for the YAKUZA project. Just as YAKUZA was only inside my head then, right now all these new ideas are only inside my head. Some of them nothing more than a feeling; a longing to learn more about something. A deceptively small and fragile thing. A seedling.
And the hard part I know will begin right now: to try and shape those little ideas into something tangible, into hopefully that real thing, to take it out of my head and put it out there for everyone else to see and become real.
[alert]To me, the best way to actually start my new projects is simply… to tell everyone that I’m going to start them.[/alert]
So there you go. Make it public. Get it out of your head and start talking to people about it. Make those first pictures and show them. This is the moment the lingering stops. The moment my great-grandparents tell me: good, at least you’re doing something now. And it’s also the moment that the ideas that will forever remain ideas, suddenly hide and stay inside my head, while the “possible” ones come out and maybe become reality.
You know that feeling when for the very first time you talk to someone else about a new project? And while you’re talking you instantly feel that, no matter how much you thought it through, there are holes and illogical things all over the place. You feel nervous and scared and almost ashamed laying out that little seedling of an idea…. it seems like your confidence is gone all over again… you stutter.
[alert]But doing this is so necessary for me. I feel that an idea can only be really put to the test through dialogue with others.[/alert]
I need to do this with people who understand what you’re doing, yet at the same time are not too personally involved. And I need to do this repeatedly. It’s like I have to have a secret group of human touchstones to talk about different aspects an idea. Some people don’t have anything to do with photography… others are seasoned pros… mentors… and mother of course… and some who do not even know they are giving me advice in the first place. It’s all meant to happen naturally. And after a certain time, when the feedback has sufficient mass, I’ll stop being scared and slowly start to believe the project might be possible. I’ll be able to voice my idea eloquently. This is the moment when I start believing that the idea can be “possible”… From then on, considerations become more practical and real and that’s when I hope everything hopefully will be able to fit within my daily life and duties and existing projects… Like anyone, I don’t live in a bubble, however attractive that would seem.
Of course, seeking feedback from all of you here is a crucial step in this all, and something I’ll be going into over the next couple of weeks: laying out these new projects and talking about them, sharing my excitement and insecurity at the same time. You guys will be the ones to see my thinking all come together. And maybe see it fall apart too… So hold your hats…
As a teaser, here is a sampling of what’s about to come, off the top of my head. All are working titles, and I might be forgetting some, or some you might have heard of already:
YAKUZA original prints and posters
as part of the YAKUZA project
Wings & Roses & Tarts
an art gallery – collaboration
Dislocate
my personal long term photographic project, back in full force
Heavens
a long term photographic project – collaboration
A Little Glow in the Dark
a wonderful photo book collaboration with kids
Apron
a short term photographic project – collaboration
My Machine
a mid term personal photographic project
Skippas
a mid term personal photographic project
Twelve
a short term photographic project – collaboration
…
…and more will pop into my head I’m sure…
I know, it seems impossible to start all these in one go… it would be like an explosion… some projects are light and full of life, some are extremely dark and heavy and full of death… but I’m in no rush… we’ll see what works out. One by one, slowly……. I for one am SO super excited. Looks like a photographic new year’s resolution in a way… smiling… and hoping I’ll be at least able to start the massive and incomprehensible “heavens”… that’s the one to look out for.
Bon Iver playing Perth now.
hugs,
a
eva
December 11, 2011 at 19:05 //
And just when I write you that I hoped you’d soon feel the need to write.. coincidence?..
anton
December 11, 2011 at 19:34 //
hey Eva,
It must be! so much going on lately I’m glad I could write about it. Hopefully I’ll be able to dive into each topic soon!
a
stuutekeer
December 13, 2011 at 08:37 //
Da’s inderdaad heel wat. Full-time fotograaf geworden?
anton
December 13, 2011 at 12:54 //
Hey stuut!
nee hoor, laten we zeggen dat het eerder neigt naar iets zoals “eindelijk kan ik full time creatieve projecten doen, met nadruk op, maar zeker niet beperkt tot, fotografie”
alléén fotograaf zou te moeilijk zijn, en misschien ook te eenzaam op den duur… ik heb te veel lol in de samenwerkingen met anderen, en het maken van mooie dingen die verder gaan dan fotografie zoals boeken en posters en zo… en een galerijtje openen dat niet alleen voor eigen werk dient…… allez, dénk ik he… wie weet hoe het loopt! misschien heet dit wel full time fotograaf :-)
alles goed met u trouwens?
a
Paul
December 13, 2011 at 12:04 //
Anton,
Regardless of which project you decide on next, I shall be along for the journey and watching with interest. After the two year YAKUZA project you may want to think about a short or mid term one though
Paul
anton
December 13, 2011 at 12:57 //
Hey Paul!
Yeah you hit the nail right on the head there…. my main concern is SHORT term projects, mainly for my own mental sanity :-) but I’ve been paying special attention to that one, and I think I’ve figured it out! Short term projects (what I would call a turn over of about 1/2 months from inception to delivery of finished product) are crucial, and I’ll desperately try not make the same mistake again as during the creation of YAKUZA… astute observation my friend… hope all is well at your end!
a
carlo
December 14, 2011 at 17:26 //
I was beginning to think you were lost in Shibuya ;-)
How is the film part of ODO coming along? is that still an ongoing project?
I did not see it in the list….also 893 magazine?
I totally see where you are coming from….only because I have had the same trepidations….not too long ago I should add. I still do.
Well….I can say that YOU have been and inspiration for me to start my project. I mean that. Seeing and reading the process from beginning to end were a catalyst for me to DO something! to start something and continue doing something until the end.
Now with this new fuel from you and from David’s RIO experience I feel even more pumped!
Congratulations Anton on all your projects and all the best for the future ones.
I’ll be watching and learning.
anton
December 16, 2011 at 20:21 //
Hey carlo :-)
yes, you have noticed it indeed, the documentary film about the Yakuza is set on hold for the time being. Not that it isn’t possible, mind you, it is more of a concentration issue: my brother and I have now non-stop for 3 years been concentrating on the Yakuza, and we need a break from that. Move into some other projects. Aim our attention elsewhere. And who knows what may or may not come out of it? maybe after a few projects I’ll return in full force to the Yakuza… or maybe not… It’s nice to have the option, but not to *have* to do it. 893 Magazine should still be in the pipeline, as a diary format for me to be able to talk about projects that I’m doing… call it a kind of “offline blog”. Right now I’m debating whether I should not just focus my efforts all online for everything “diary” or “behind the scenes” or “blog” related. I’ll see what I come up with.
I’m really glad to see that me talking about my projects along the way inspires you to go and and do what you love… makes me defintiely not want to give up on that!
All the best with your work at hand, and I’ll make sure I’ll post here as often as I possibly can with all the things that I learn along the way…
cheers, a
Mike Rawcliffe
December 18, 2011 at 19:26 //
Anton,
good of you to share your thoughts with us: many photographers only show the finished product and not the blood sweat and tears!
Looking forward to seeing your work,
Mike.
carlo
December 19, 2011 at 17:00 //
Hi Anton,
Totally see what you are saying…and glad to hear about 893.
I read your interview on Digital photo pro magazine at the bookstore last night. GREAT!